


clarity

by kitty90s



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty90s/pseuds/kitty90s
Summary: Lucille reflects on her relation with Cyril
Relationships: Lucille Anderson/Cyril Robinson
Kudos: 2





	clarity

**Author's Note:**

> promt from tumblr "this isn't love"

Lucille sat in the bed while Trixie was rummaging through her wardrobe. She didn’t know why she had accepted her offer. She had beautiful dresses to go on a date. she didn’t need any of her friend’s clothes but she had said yes because Trixie had been very insistent. She knew Trixie and Sister Monica Joan were planning something but she was too tired to find out what it was. That week Lucille had worked a lot, coming and going all around Poplar attending different births, some of them were extremely complicated. All she wanted was to relax, sleep a little bit.

But Cyril had invited her to go for dinner to celebrate their anniversary and how she could be so cruel to say no. “Get something fancy’ he said. And that is why she ended up covered by a mountain of colourful dresses.

When she went downstairs, He was talking with Sister Monica Joan. He was wearing a grey suit, something Lucille would never have expected.

‘My Lady’ he said, kissing her hand.

‘ Cyril’ she blushed as her friend was looking at them

‘sorry, c’mon´

‘good luck’ shouted Sister Monica Joan waving at them

Lucille was surprised when she didn’t see Cyril’ motorbike, there was a taxi waiting for them instead.

They arrived at a nice restaurant, it wasn't glamorous and expensive but compared to those which they used to attend it seemed four stars.

‘Cyril how can you afford this? ‘ she asked looking around the place ‘ you shouldn’t have to, we could have gone somewhere else’

‘ it’s our anniversary and you deserve the best’ he smiled at her

‘ I haven’t bought you a present’ she said apologizing

‘Your love is a present’ he leaned to kiss her. Lucille only felt guilty, he was doing all this for her and she wasn’t even sure she still loved him. She wasn’t sure if she ever did. She had started dating him because she was feeling lonely. With him she felt at home because they could share things she couldn’t do with her friends. Things they didn’t understand. As time went by, Lucille began to think it wasn’t love what she felt for him. Not the kind of love you felt for your soulmate; it was more like a sibling's love. Yes, she did care for him but not the same way he did. But she was too scared to let go the only person that made her feel at home.

They spent the rest of the night talking about their jobs, especially Lucille’s. She talked and talked, complaining about the city hall’s administration. Complaining about the lack of interest they had of the children of the worst area of Poplar. Cyril didn’t say a word he was there just to listen to her.

When the dessert arrived, Cyril looked extremely anxious as he kept staring at the ice cream. He waited for Lucille to try it first. She was feeling uncomfortable with his look on her. And the she felt something hard with the spoon. She was petrified when she realised what it was.

‘oh’ she mumbled and in that moment Cyril bended in front of her

‘Lucille since the first time I saw you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you’ he said holding her hand ‘do you want to marry me?

She was speechless. “It can be true” ,she thought. And the couple who was sitting next to them began to clap ant all in the restaurant were looking at them.

‘ I’m sorry but I can’t’ she bursted out withdrawing her hand 

‘but why? ‘he asked looking heartbroken

‘I’m sorry’ she mumbled and run outside

‘Lucille’ He ran after her ‘ wait’

‘ I’m sorry’ that was the only thing she could say. She started to cry as she didn’t know what to do.

‘ I don’t understand I love you ‘ he cried

‘ but I don’t… I mean not the way you do’

‘ what?’

‘this isn’t love’ she said ‘I think I was too afraid to be alone to accept the truth but I’m not ready to get marry’

‘Why didn’t you talk to me? I could have …’ he exclaimed

‘ I don’t know I didn’t want to hurt you’

‘ well now you have done it’ he answer and enter to the restaurant

The journey back to the Nonatus house was uncomfortable and although it was only a 20- minute trip, it seemed like more. Both Lucille and Cyril were silent, staring out the car window. Only the taxi driver talked about the weather but none of them answered.

‘Can we talk tomorrow?’ he asked

‘ yes’ she answered and then he walked away

A soon as she opened the door she ran into Trixie and Sister Monica Joan who were waiting for her at the foot of the stairs. They looked like two kids waiting for Santa expecting the good news. But Lucille broke their happiness with five words “there will be no wedding” as she went up to her bedroom.

When she entered, she collapsed on her bed and sighed. She didn’t want to hurt Cyril but she couldn’t keep pretending. Now she could think about what she wanted to do with her life and think in the future. It was time to reconnect with herself.


End file.
